IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Topic 01. It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?

#topic #crime #violence #media #reason #growth #rate #offer #situation
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It is believed that the increase in juvenile
crime
 is
due to
 media showcasing
crime
. So here we will discuss my thoughts on the cause
in
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of
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 the rising rate
in
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of
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jevenile
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juvenile
crime
 and what solutions
i
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I
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 think could
benift
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benefit
 the situation. In my
opinon
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opinion
 the reason for the high rate of
crime
 specifically
jeveniles
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juveniles
,
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apply
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 is the fact
the
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that
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childeren
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children
 are
easliy
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easily
influnced
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influenced
 and want validation from peers. So they will make bad
descisions
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decisions
 in
these kind
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this kind
these kinds
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 of environments seeking that. I think that
easpically
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especially
 in music when rappers rap about certain things
thay
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they
 had done, it
make
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makes
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its
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it
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 seem cool so
childen
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children
 will unknowingly start to
imiate
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imitate
 the way these rappers
prortray
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portray
 themselves like
for example
 the way they dress and speak to fit in with the crowd eventually even their actions they spoke about
are
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being
show examples
 copied.
Certian
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Certain
type
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types
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 of media should be banned for younger kids or at least there should be parental control on electronic devices the youth use. The brains
for
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of
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youger
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younger
 kids are still developing so what they consume should be
montiered
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monitored
 as they absorb so much
while
 they are young and
alot
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a lot
 of it sticks with them and even halts their development. Kids in china are shown videos on how much an impact being on their phone can cause them
harm
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to harm
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 in the future and how much focusing on studies can better their life and have a positive outcome in their careers. To
conclued
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conclude
, what we allow the younger generation to consume can have
a
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an
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 impact.
wheather
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whether
 it
be
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is
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 music, television series/movies
form
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from
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electroinc
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electronic
devcies
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devices
 or even who they are friends with. These can all have a negative effect and cause more harm than good,
Thus
 increasing the percentage of
crime
.
Submitted by amaladem24 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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