IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Topic 01. It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?

#topic #crime #violence #media #reason #growth #rate #offer #situation
It is believed that the increase in juvenile
crime
 is
due to
 media showcasing
crime
. So here we will discuss my thoughts on the cause
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the rising rate
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
jevenile
Correct your spelling
juvenile
crime
 and what solutions
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think could
benift
Correct your spelling
benefit
 the situation. In my
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
 the reason for the high rate of
crime
 specifically
jeveniles
Correct your spelling
juveniles
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is the fact
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
childeren
Correct your spelling
children
 are
easliy
Correct your spelling
easily
influnced
Correct your spelling
influenced
 and want validation from peers. So they will make bad
descisions
Correct your spelling
decisions
 in
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of environments seeking that. I think that
easpically
Correct your spelling
especially
 in music when rappers rap about certain things
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 had done, it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 seem cool so
childen
Correct your spelling
children
 will unknowingly start to
imiate
Correct your spelling
imitate
 the way these rappers
prortray
Correct your spelling
portray
 themselves like
for example
 the way they dress and speak to fit in with the crowd eventually even their actions they spoke about
are
Change the form of the verb
being
show examples
 copied.
Certian
Correct your spelling
Certain
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of media should be banned for younger kids or at least there should be parental control on electronic devices the youth use. The brains
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
youger
Correct your spelling
younger
 kids are still developing so what they consume should be
montiered
Correct your spelling
monitored
 as they absorb so much
while
 they are young and
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of it sticks with them and even halts their development. Kids in china are shown videos on how much an impact being on their phone can cause them
harm
Add the particle
to harm
show examples
 in the future and how much focusing on studies can better their life and have a positive outcome in their careers. To
conclued
Correct your spelling
conclude
, what we allow the younger generation to consume can have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 impact.
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
 it
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 music, television series/movies
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
electroinc
Correct your spelling
electronic
devcies
Correct your spelling
devices
 or even who they are friends with. These can all have a negative effect and cause more harm than good,
Thus
 increasing the percentage of
crime
.
Submitted by amaladem24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: