IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Task 1: The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Task 1: The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The provided pie chart delineates the portion of
time
 older
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 burnt out on separate activities in a single country in 1958 and 2008.
Overall
, working was the most popular of both
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 and the least was travel to work. In 1958 working was the highest percentage with 33
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, and over 50 years it increased slightly by 9
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2008.
Moreover
, I guess in the past since many workloads so there was a lot of rest
time
 for sleeping, it took 32
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1958 but in 2008 the ratio of
time
 for sleeping
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased sharply by 7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Following that, we had 19
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 with outdoor activities in 1958 and it dropped rapidly it was just about 8
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
apply
Wrong verb form
applied
show examples
 50 years later. It is
sad
Add an article
a sad
show examples
 thing for today’s society because they have less
time
 to spend with their families and expand their relationships. After that, we had 13
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for relaxing at home in 2008 but in the
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 past we just had 8
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 that apply was a good thing since when they had more
time
 off their health was
also
 better and work was
also
 more productive, especially those of the people aged 30 to 39. The final activity
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 others interests or playing sports which were 6
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1958 and went up slightly by 2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 over the period.
Submitted by doanminhkhoi93 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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