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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts compare the six categories of reasons for immigrants to and from Europe in 2009.

The pie charts compare the six categories of reasons for immigrants to and from Europe in 2009.
#six #categories #immigrants #europe
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The pie charts compare the six categories of reasons for
immigrants
 to and from Europe in 2009. It is noticeable that the top reason why
people
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 to and from
European
 countries is to study. Many
people
 immigrated to a
European
 country to get a
job
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and leave a
European
 country because of their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. In 2009, 23% of
immigrants
 went to Europe to study, with 32% of
people
 left for the same reason as well. In the first pie,
it is clear that
people
 who looked for a
job
 took
one quarter
Add a hyphen
one-quarter
show examples
 of the
immigrants
,
while
 those who had a definite
job
 simply took 10%. Meanwhile, only
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of
immigrants
 left because of work, 15% looking for a
job
 and with
definite
Correct article usage
a definite
show examples
job
 respectively. Less
people
 immigrated for
acoompany
Correct your spelling
company
/family reasons, only 15%, but
one fourth
Add a hyphen
one-fourth
show examples
 left for that.
It is clear that
 7%, 8% of
immigrants
 came in and out with no reason,
whereas
 10%, 15% of
people
 immigrated to and from a
European
 country for some other reasons.
Submitted by aqualchu on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "it is clear that".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words immigrants, people, european, job with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compare" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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