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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts compare the six categories of reasons for immigrants to and from Europe in 2009.

The pie charts compare the six categories of reasons for immigrants to and from Europe in 2009.
The pie charts compare the six categories of reasons for
immigrants
Use synonyms
 to and from Europe in 2009. It is noticeable that the top reason why
people
Use synonyms
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 to and from
European
Use synonyms
 countries is to study. Many
people
Use synonyms
 immigrated to a
European
Use synonyms
 country to get a
job
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and leave a
European
Use synonyms
 country because of their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. In 2009, 23% of
immigrants
Use synonyms
 went to Europe to study, with 32% of
people
Use synonyms
 left for the same reason as well. In the first pie,
it is clear that
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who looked for a
job
Use synonyms
 took
one quarter
Add a hyphen
one-quarter
show examples
 of the
immigrants
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 those who had a definite
job
Use synonyms
 simply took 10%. Meanwhile, only
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of
immigrants
Use synonyms
 left because of work, 15% looking for a
job
Use synonyms
 and with
definite
Correct article usage
a definite
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 respectively. Less
people
Use synonyms
 immigrated for
acoompany
Correct your spelling
company
/family reasons, only 15%, but
one fourth
Add a hyphen
one-fourth
show examples
 left for that.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 7%, 8% of
immigrants
Use synonyms
 came in and out with no reason,
whereas
Linking Words
 10%, 15% of
people
Use synonyms
 immigrated to and from a
European
Use synonyms
 country for some other reasons.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "it is clear that".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words immigrants, people, european, job with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compare" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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