The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

#graphs #show #survey #children #activities #first #leisure #boys #second #girls

The given

pie

charts present data apropos the score of a survey of youth.

In addition

, the first chart illustrates the cultural and spare time activities that

boys

sit in. Simultaneously, the second

pie

indicates the data about

girls

' activity during their free time.

Overall

boys

were more likely to take part in outdoor sports than

girls

. Both sexes enjoy listening to music

however

a dramatically large number of

girls

like to read. Plenty of

boys

fancy computer games and it reached 34% which was the biggest amount in that

pie

Moreover

, the least likely that the minority chose was reading with only 2%. Basketball enjoys a huge number of youth with a score of 26% which was the second more likely activity. Meanwhile, taking a close look at the second

pie

girls

really

Add a missing verb

were really

show examples

keen on dancing with 27% of the total and reading with a score of 21%. There was a huge difference between

boys

and

girls

when it comes to reading with 19%. Listening to music was at the same level for both sexes.

In addition

, young women do not really enjoy video games the same as

boys

and

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

achieves only 16%.

Submitted by jula.wierzba on Thu Apr 06 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, boys, girls with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

▼

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

195 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

survey
cultural activities
leisure activities
participate
percentage
gender difference
similar participation rates
traditional gender roles
trends
impact
parental influence
extracurricular activities
accessible

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Many Le Thanh Tong grade 11 students lack focus and drive. What is the causes for this? What do you do think is the most effective solution?

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas?

Studies suggested that nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons? And what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things?