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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.
#graphs #show #survey #children #activities #first #leisure #boys #second #girls
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The given
pie
Use synonyms
 charts present data apropos the score of a survey of youth.
In addition
Linking Words
, the first chart illustrates the cultural and spare time activities that
boys
Use synonyms
 sit in. Simultaneously, the second
pie
Use synonyms
 indicates the data about
girls
Use synonyms
' activity during their free time.
Overall
Linking Words
,
boys
Use synonyms
 were more likely to take part in outdoor sports than
girls
Use synonyms
. Both sexes enjoy listening to music
however
Linking Words
 a dramatically large number of
girls
Use synonyms
 like to read. Plenty of
boys
Use synonyms
 fancy computer games and it reached 34% which was the biggest amount in that
pie
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the least likely that the minority chose was reading with only 2%. Basketball enjoys a huge number of youth with a score of 26% which was the second more likely activity. Meanwhile, taking a close look at the second
pie
Use synonyms
,
girls
Use synonyms
really
Add a missing verb
were really
show examples
 keen on dancing with 27% of the total and reading with a score of 21%. There was a huge difference between
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 when it comes to reading with 19%. Listening to music was at the same level for both sexes.
In addition
Linking Words
, young women do not really enjoy video games the same as
boys
Use synonyms
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
achieves only 16%.
Submitted by jula.wierzba on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, boys, girls with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • cultural activities
  • leisure activities
  • participate
  • percentage
  • gender difference
  • similar participation rates
  • traditional gender roles
  • trends
  • impact
  • parental influence
  • extracurricular activities
  • accessible
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