The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The survey gives information about the long life of a large fish named
salmon
.
Overall
,
this
life cycle is comprised
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
fry
to adult
salmon
which
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
3 steps and the cycle starts over again.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
the beginning, baby salmons
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are named
fry
and their length
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
from 3 up to 8 cm
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
living in a lower river, the water condition is different from other locations and it is fast flowing.
Moreover
,
fry
is living there approximately for 4 years.
After
this
,
fry
Correct article usage
the fry
show examples
turned
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
smolt
Correct article usage
a smolt
show examples
which is bigger than
fry
Correct article usage
the fry
show examples
and
also
their length
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
12-15 cm.
Moreover
, they are heading to
open
Correct article usage
the open
show examples
sea for 5 years. The
last
stage is when the smolt turned to adult
salmon
which are almost 60 cm larger and they are prepared to live in
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
open sea and relocated to
upper
Add an article
the upper
an upper
show examples
river which has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
slow moving
Add a hyphen
slow-moving
show examples
for reproduction for 5-6
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
. They spread their
salmon
eggs in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
area which contained a lot of reeds and under
small
Add an article
a small
the small
show examples
stone, their eggs will be hidden and the cycle
start
Change the verb form
starts
show examples
over again
Submitted by mahsa_shafie1996 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, fry with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • freshwater streams
  • small pebbles
  • reeds
  • alevin
  • yolk sac
  • nourishment
  • fry
  • grow stronger
  • grow larger
  • parr
  • defined markings
  • estuaries
  • smolt
  • adapt to saltwater
  • ocean
  • full size
  • sexual maturity
  • spawn
  • life cycle
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