IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #life #cycle #species #fish #salmon #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The survey gives information about the long life of a large fish named
salmon
.
Overall
,
this
 life cycle is comprised
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
fry
 to adult
salmon
 which
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 3 steps and the cycle starts over again.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning, baby salmons
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are named
fry
 and their length
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 from 3 up to 8 cm
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
living in a lower river, the water condition is different from other locations and it is fast flowing.
Moreover
,
fry
 is living there approximately for 4 years.
After
this
,
fry
Correct article usage
the fry
show examples
 turned
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
smolt
Correct article usage
a smolt
show examples
 which is bigger than
fry
Correct article usage
the fry
show examples
 and
also
 their length
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 12-15 cm.
Moreover
, they are heading to
open
Correct article usage
the open
show examples
 sea for 5 years. The
last
 stage is when the smolt turned to adult
salmon
 which are almost 60 cm larger and they are prepared to live in
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 open sea and relocated to
upper
Add an article
the upper
an upper
show examples
 river which has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
slow moving
Add a hyphen
slow-moving
show examples
 for reproduction for 5-6
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
. They spread their
salmon
 eggs in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 area which contained a lot of reeds and under
small
Add an article
a small
the small
show examples
 stone, their eggs will be hidden and the cycle
start
Change the verb form
starts
show examples
 over again
Submitted by mahsa_shafie1996 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, fry with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • freshwater streams
  • small pebbles
  • reeds
  • alevin
  • yolk sac
  • nourishment
  • fry
  • grow stronger
  • grow larger
  • parr
  • defined markings
  • estuaries
  • smolt
  • adapt to saltwater
  • ocean
  • full size
  • sexual maturity
  • spawn
  • life cycle
What to do next:
Look at other essays: