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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the different home activities among young children in four different countries.

The graph below shows the different home activities among young children in four different countries.
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The bar chart detail about different home activities among young
children
Use synonyms
 in four dissimilar countries. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective it is readily apparent that playing computer games was most popular among young
children
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while
Linking Words
 reading was the least option in all countries. It is observed that young
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 from
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nigeria
Change the capitalization
Nigeria
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 are more engaged in digital games with 60%,
while
Linking Words
children
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 from
Use synonyms
malaysia
Change the capitalization
Malaysia
show examples
 and
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sudan
Change the capitalization
Sudan
show examples
 are
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
even equal for playing computer games figure
represented
Wrong verb form
representing
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at
Change preposition
apply
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50%
whereas
Linking Words
 little
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
 from
Use synonyms
china
Correct your spelling
China
show examples
 were slightly lower by 10% respectively .
Interstingly
Correct your spelling
Interestingly
 it is noticed that youngsters from
Use synonyms
malaysia
Change the capitalization
Malaysia
show examples
,
china
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 ,
Use synonyms
nigeria
Change the capitalization
Nigeria
show examples
amd
Correct your spelling
and
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sudan
Change the capitalization
Sudan
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
narrowed the disparity for watching television accounted for 30%. Sneak a glance
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the least chosen option by small
children
Use synonyms
 was reading , where
Use synonyms
nigeria
Change the capitalization
Nigeria
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
sudan
Change the capitalization
Sudan
show examples
 represented
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
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 ratio(10%)
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
china
Correct your spelling
China
show examples
 was at 15% and
Use synonyms
malaysia
Change the capitalization
Malaysia
show examples
 indicate 5% higher than
Use synonyms
malaysia
Change the capitalization
Malaysia
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
board
Add an article
the board
a board
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 game was popular
im
Correct your spelling
in
Use synonyms
sudan
Change the capitalization
Sudan
show examples
30
Change preposition
at 30
show examples
%,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
malaysia
Change the capitalization
Malaysia
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly decreased by 5% ,
whereas
Linking Words
 young
children
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
china
Correct your spelling
China
show examples
amd
Correct your spelling
and
Use synonyms
nigeria
Change the capitalization
Nigeria
show examples
 were between 10-15% respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, nigeria, malaysia, sudan, china with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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