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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows estimated world literacy rate by region and by gender for the year 2000.

The chart below shows estimated world literacy rate by region and by gender for the year 2000.
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The bar graphs illustrate the
illiteracy
Use synonyms
 rate in 6 different
regions
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 and genders in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious from the graphs that
females
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 in all 6
regions
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 are less literate than males.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people with the highest rate of
illiteracy
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from
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are from
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 South Asia,
while
Linking Words
 residents of developed countries have the least level of
illiteracy
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. The interesting point is that in all
regions
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 women’s education level is lower than men's.
Thus
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, the
illiteracy
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 rate of women in Sub-Saharan Africa, Arab states, and South Africa ranged from 48% to 55%,
while
Linking Words
 uneducated men made up from 29% to 34%.
In addition
Linking Words
, the uneducated proportion of
females
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 in East Asia/Oceania made up 20% and it was 10 times higher than illiterate
females
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 in developed countries.
Also
Linking Words
, the
illiteracy
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 level of males and
females
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 in those
regions
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 constituted 8% and 1%, respectively. One region which had almost similar
illiteracy
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 proportion of both males and
females
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 was Latin America, which made up 10% and 12%, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words illiteracy, regions, females with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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