IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think traffic and housing problems in big cities can be solved by moving companies and their employees to the countryside. Do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

Today,
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion and rental prices are of important concern in a metropolitan
city
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. Some argue that relocating companies
along with
Linking Words
 their
employees
Use synonyms
 will fix
this
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 situation. I strongly believe that moving a large population to a different location will help in controlling
this
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 issue. The idea of relocating organisations
along with
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 their workers away from a
city
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 is suggested by many scholars.
According to
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 a study, about 40% of New York's population comprises office
employees
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 working downtown.
Moreover
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, the study
also
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 highlights that
daily
Correct article usage
the daily
show examples
 morning
traffic
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 jam is caused primarily by office workers, who use
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 freeways for
daily
Correct pronoun usage
their daily
show examples
 commute. A reduction in a
city
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's total population will significantly help to improve its condition.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Delhi, a strategy of odd-even was introduced to reduce
traffic
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 on its roads, which allowed motor vehicles to drive on alternate days in accordance with a vehicle plate's serial number, which
subsequently
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 resulted in a 45% reduction in the
city
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's pollution and
improving
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
 its air quality.
Nevertheless
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, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, as migrating a large mass of society will not only result in decongestion but
also
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 significantly improve its
traffic
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 conditions as there will be less number of daily commuters.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
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 strategy will
also
Linking Words
 help individuals to buy or rent houses easily
due to
Linking Words
 the decrease in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
demand for buyers.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, research suggests that organisations that have their workers living in close proximity to their offices experience an increase in
overall
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 productivity.
For instance
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, Infosys allocates apartments, which are close to its Bangalore office, to
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 permanent
employees
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 to reduce travel time. In conclusion, the idea to migrate offices to the countryside
along with
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 its
employees
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 will prove to be useful to both companies and the
city
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.

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task response
State your view clearly in the opening and keep it in all body paragraphs. Do not shift stance.
coherence
Add more clear topic sentences to show the main idea of each paragraph.
language use
Use simple and short sentences. This will make your essay easier to read.
evidence
Give only relevant examples and explain why they show your point.
grammar
Check small grammar and word use, like 'decongestion' and 'nevertheless'.
content
The writer gives a clear view and sticks to it.
example
There are good examples like the Delhi rule and Infosys example.
structure
Intro and conclusion show the shape of the essay.
cohesion
Linking words such as 'Moreover' and 'Furthermore' are used.
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