IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The Chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006.

The Chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006.
#information #age #women #australia #birth #first #child
The bar graph compares the percentage change in the five
age
 categories of
women
 with the firstborn baby in Australia in 1966, 1986 and 2006.
Overall
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a steady decrease in the category of young mothers,
while
 middle-aged mothers displayed a noticeable growth during the three
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
. Mothers with a
first
 child at the
age
over
Change preposition
of over
show examples
 40
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the lowest category in the whole period of time. In 1966, the highest figures of
women
 giving birth to their
first
 child were at the
age
under
Change preposition
of
show examples
 19 and 19-24
years
, and constituted
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
approximately 34% and 62%, respectively. These in that two
age
 categories continued
falling
Correct article usage
a falling
show examples
 trend and made up 12% for
women
 under 19 and just below 30% for
women
 19-24
years
 in 2006.
By contrast
, the other two middle-aged categories of
women
 with
firstborn
Add an article
the firstborn
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 always had a rising trend. In 1966,
age
 groups 30-34 and 34-39 constituted
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
only around 12% and 8%, respectively. They
then
 boomed by almost 4 times, and the
women
 with
firstborn
Add an article
a firstborn
show examples
baby
Fix the agreement mistake
babies
show examples
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 30-34 and 34-39 made up 45% and 30%, respectively. Another two
age
 groups of
women
 giving
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first
 birth that are over 40 and 25-30
years
 had an irregular pattern of rise and fall
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
recorded. The birth of
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 baby
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
age
over
Change preposition
of over
show examples
 40 was around 4% in 1966,
then
 slightly decreased by 2% in 1986 and
then
 it returned to previous levels in 2006. Almost the same trend was in the
age
 category between 25 and 30
years
.
Submitted by ravshankhasanov99 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, women, first, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic changes
  • first-time mothers
  • age bracket
  • fertility rate
  • childbearing age
  • socioeconomic factors
  • educational attainment
  • healthcare advancements
  • family planning
  • societal norms
  • trend analysis
  • delaying motherhood
What to do next:
Look at other essays: