IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that family has the most important influence on children’s development, while others believe that factors such as TV, friends, music and books have a more significant impact. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #influence #children’s #development #factors #tv #friends #music #books #impact
In some perspectives,
parents
 play essential roles to cultivate
children
,
while
 the opponents suggest that young individuals are more likely to be affected by other elements, including peers in classes, and the information they gain from the
internet
 or books. On the one hand,
children
 form the majority of common sense from their
parents
 since they spent most of their time together. As it is said, like father like sun, the phrases as
such
 display how
parents
 can profoundly influence their
children
, in which
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
descendants will inherit the accent and behaviours from their educators in childhood.
On the other hand
, youth nowadays can easily access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
information from various sources,
such
 as television programs; articles on the
internet
 or on books; and music, which could extend their horizon and provide more input than that of
parents
.
Moreover
, a growing number of double-income families provoke a decrease in
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
parents
 spent with their
children
, which provides more time youth spend with their friends and peers.
For example
, the younger generation now tends to seek suggestions from their friends or search on the
Internet
 rather than ask their
parents
.
To conclude
, it is inevitable that
parents
 play crucial roles form the personalities of their descendants at an early age.
However
, I tend to believe that other sources of information have a more profound influence on young people since they will share more in common with those inputs on the
internet
 or from friends than the perspectives from
parents
.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: