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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph shows the demand for energy and the energy available for fossil fuels in Freedonia from 1985 to 2005. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The graph shows the demand for energy and the energy available for fossil fuels in Freedonia from 1985 to 2005. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
#demand #energy #fuels #freedonia #report #university #lecturer #information
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these statistics illustrate the consumption of
energy
Use synonyms
 compared with the source of non-renewable
energy
Use synonyms
 in Fredonia
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 20 years.
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the stage of
energy
Use synonyms
 demand
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 and end of
period
Add an article
the period
a period
show examples
 of those questions was more than the
energy
Use synonyms
 available
while
Linking Words
 there was
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 between them in 1995.
According to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 data, there was a significant decline between 1995
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 1990 so that it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
stood at just about 2 in 1990. the demand
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remained almost constant between 1990 and 1995
although
Linking Words
, after that, the amount of that rise rapidly to the end of
period
Add an article
the period
a period
show examples
 of question.
finally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 factor was almost 7 billion megajoules in 2005.
in addition
Linking Words
, from 1985 until 1995, the number of
energy
Use synonyms
 available kept rising and stood at just over 6.
moreover
Linking Words
, there was a noticeable decrease from 1995 until 2000
while
Linking Words
 that
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remained almost constant between 2000 to 2005.
Submitted by amirhsina on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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