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Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men andwomen in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the mainfeatures, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men andwomen in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the mainfeatures, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart compares the percentage of
Australian
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men
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 and
women
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 in various
age
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 groups who exercised in 2010 by gender. With the exception of those between the ages of 15 and 24, more
Australian
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men
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 than
women
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 exercised in 2010. In 2010, 52.8% of
Australian
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women
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 aged 15 to 24 exercised, placing them best among all
age
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 groups. The percentage of
Australian
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 males who exercised at the same
ages
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age
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 was 47.7%. Females aged 45–54 and 55–64 who exercised in 2010 showed similar trends, with 42.2% and 43.1%, respectively, being lower than the average for
men
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 of the same
age
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 group by roughly 10%. The difference between male and female participation in regular physical exercise reached 12% among those aged 35 to 44 in 2010. At a total of 39.5%, the
women
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's figure at
this
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age
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 was the lowest of all ages. The proportion of
Australian
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men
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 and
women
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 who exercised was similar in the population 65 years and older; the males reached 47.1%, which was slightly higher than the percentage of
women
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 (0.4%).

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words australian, men, women, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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