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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows percentages of three groups of Australian children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows percentages of three groups of Australian children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart gives the information on proportions of
children
Use synonyms
 ranging from 5 to 16 in Australia participating in four different activities, including watching TV, reading, art, and riding a bike in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, we clearly see that watching TV was the most popular activity among the three different groups of
children
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 art attracts relatively fewer kids. As regarded as the first, the percentage of watching TV ranges from a low of 96% between 5 to 8
years
Use synonyms
 old to a high of 99% between 12 to 16
years
Use synonyms
 old, with some
children
Use synonyms
 aged 9 to 11
years
Use synonyms
 old at 97% in between. For art, there are more
children
Use synonyms
 from 5 to 8
years
Use synonyms
 old than those from 9 to 11
years
Use synonyms
 old who loved it, and the figure for it was 60% in comparison with 57%.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the same proportion accounting for 65% of those youth from 9 to 11
years
Use synonyms
 old and from 12 to 16
years
Use synonyms
 old chose reading,
whereas
Linking Words
 62% of youth between 5 to 8 took part in the reading activity.
Finally
Linking Words
, there was 81% of youth between 12 to 16 engaged in riding a bike,
while
Linking Words
 78% of
children
Use synonyms
 between 5 to 8 were in the same category, followed by those from 9 to 11 stood at about 62%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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