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Band 4.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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In the given bar chart we can see that in 1995 almost 50% of
people
Use synonyms
 were born in the city of
Australia
Use synonyms
in addition
Linking Words
 20% were born in
towns
Use synonyms
 and 30% were born in the rural
areas
Use synonyms
 of
Australia
Use synonyms
. There were 60% of
people
Use synonyms
 were born outside the cities of
Australia
Use synonyms
 and 10% of
people
Use synonyms
 were born in
towns
Use synonyms
 outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 and 40% of
people
Use synonyms
 were born in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 outside of
Australia
Use synonyms
 If we have a look at the bar chart of 2010 there were approximately 65% of
people
Use synonyms
 were born in the city in
Australia
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 and approximately 15% of
people
Use synonyms
 were born in both
towns
Use synonyms
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 of
Australia
Use synonyms
. 80% of
people
Use synonyms
 were born in the city outside of
Australia
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 10% were born in
towns
Use synonyms
 outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 and 5% were born in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 outside of
Australia
Use synonyms

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, towns, areas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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