IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that there should be a common punishment for committing a certain crime for all criminals who carry it out. On the other hand, others suggest that the comditions under which the criminal commits a crime should be taken into consideration before deciding the punishment. How far do you agree or disagree with the arguments presented ?

#people #punishment #crime #criminals #hand #comditions #consideration #arguments
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In today's world, the ongoing process of economic recession has led to an increase in
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
. The nature of most criminal activities
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 evolved over the past few years. Some believe that all
criminals
 should
be hold
Change the verb form
be held
show examples
 responsible in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same way, for conducting a similar
crime
.
However
, others argue that surroundings affect the nature of a certain
crime
 and judgement should be made considering
this
 fact. I advocate
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the view that certain
crimes
 need a common punishment to make an
an
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
affective
Correct your spelling
effective
show examples
 law system.
To begin
 with, increasing poverty and
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
 for the survival of the fittest,
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 bred many
criminals
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing countries.
For instance
, street
crime
 and robbery have increased dramatically in
contemperary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
 times.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of the population in an underdeveloped country strives for basic
necessaties
Correct your spelling
necessities
 of life and indulge themselves in illegal ways of earning more money. These
crimes
 result from economic
unstability
Correct your spelling
instability
 and
such
criminals
 come from similar backgrounds.
Furthermore
,
crimes
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 rape and murder are a product of one's social, mental and cultural status. These
crimes
 are independent of surrounding conditions and there is no
explaination
Correct your spelling
explanation
 for them.
For instance
, rapistis argue that wearing revealing clothes
provoke
Correct subject-verb agreement
provokes
show examples
 them.
This
 is a mythological ideology because doing
such
crimes
 are dependent on one's moment of weakness. I believe that most
crimes
 originate from the same background and punishing them in a similar way is time efficient method of bringing law and order to the country. Rape and murder cases should not involve
trail
Correct your spelling
trial
show examples
,
instead
, directly announcing the punishment results in
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 systematic approach. In the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
 view,
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
show examples
crime
 rate is a main concern of developing countries as social stability is necessary to make peace in a living environment. Government should make policies of punishing
criminals
 to revive
crime-less
Correct article usage
a crime-less
show examples
 society and bring safety to the country. Allocated punishments for similar
crimes
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 an efficient method of
controling
Correct your spelling
controlling
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate.
Submitted by Mominamajid521 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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