IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is better for people to be unemployed than being employed with a job they do not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #job
It is thought that being employed with a compelling and undesirable
job
worse
Add a missing verb
is worse
show examples
 than being unemployed in terms of individuals. I mostly disagree with
this
 suggestion because
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those who are
being
Verb problem
apply
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jobless have more
problems
 in terms of psychological and
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 in comparison to the rest.
Firstly
, individuals who are unemployed may suffer psychological
issues
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 employed ones have complaints about their
job
, unemployed ones demand their
problems
 because they feel useless and need some activities. In the absence of a particular
job
, they may become lazier and more depressed gradually. To illustrate that, many unemployed characters may give up waking up early in time and they do not face
with
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apply
show examples
their situation.
In addition
, they may blame themselves even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 have not any
failure
Fix the agreement mistake
failures
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. In short, they usually do not be happy in these situations more than others who have some
issues
 in their business lives.
Secondly
, jobless individuals probably have some economic
issues
. They do not obtain money to meet their needs and they feel inadequate
while
 others earn even though they have
problems
. Their sufferings usually excel undesirable
problems
 in business life and they opt to work
bad
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in bad
show examples
 circumstances
instead
 of being jobless.
For instance
, many people in Turkey are working in unsatisfied jobs and they avoid being unemployed because they
acknowledged
Wrong verb form
acknowledge
show examples
 that probable economic
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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 may create other
issues
. In
short
Add a comma
short,
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due to
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 economic and
likelihood
Correct article usage
the likelihood
show examples
problems
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of problems
show examples
 in future, being employed in a problematic situation is better than being unemployed.
To sum up
,
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apply
show examples
 causes and examples can be multiplied with
this
 suggestion.
Although
,
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apply
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unattractive
Correct article usage
the unattractive
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 ambience and situation of a
job
 lets people
to thinking
Wrong verb form
think
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for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 being unemployed, in my opinion, it is a harsher circumstance for employed ones
due to
 its psychological and
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 burdens. 44 dk.
Submitted by metehancakiroglu3435 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the topic but lacks a clear stance on the issue. It is important to clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the prompt. Make sure to present a clear argument with relevant examples to support your stance.
coherence and cohesion
The essay displays a logical sequence of ideas and uses linking words and phrases effectively. However, it would benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion to better frame the discussion.
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