IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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there is a current debate surrounding whether choosing a stable job or frequently changing jobs is beneficial for
people
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. personally, I hold the belief that
people
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 should work under the same organizations despite the undeniable advantages of alterations in the working environment. on the one hand, it is understandable for those to change their jobs constantly. some
people
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 think it is an appropriate way for them to discover their passions and obtain more work experience.
therefore
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, these
people
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 are likely to have more chances to become successful at work
due to
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 their strategic plans.
however
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, the problem of overpopulation has a detrimental impact on
this
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 trend, as
people
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 need to compete with a huge number of excellent individuals.
As a result
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, they can not get a well-paid occupation and even become unemployed.
on the other hand
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, the benefits of having a stable career need to be taken into consideration. it is true that those having more experience in the workplace are able to get promotions, because of their culmination of knowledge over a long-term period.
consequently
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, most
people
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 who have opportunities for promotion are seniors.
for example
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, google has the tendency to favour senior workers for higher positions
due to
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 their wealth of knowledge in certain sectors.
furthermore
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,
keeping
Verb problem
apply
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doing one job helps
people
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 to get a stable salary, regardless of many serious issues,
such
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 as unemployment. in conclusion, in spite of certain benefits of altering jobs regularly, I strongly believe that having a stable career enables
people
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 to get promotions and suitable wages.

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task response
Expand on the advantages of stable career and address the benefits of job stability in more detail to fully respond to the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
The essay displays a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that each paragraph is logically connected and transitions between ideas are smoother.
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