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Band 4.5

Nowadays, many people complain that they have difficulties having enough sleep what are problems caused by lack of sleep? what can be done about this lack of sleep?

#people #difficulties #lack
In the modern age when we live, a variety of doctors say that many
people
 have some sleep issues
such
 as insomnia and these problems are affecting our lives in bad ways.
People
 sleep less than yesterday so in the following paragraphs, I am going to tell what are the major problems with lack of sleep and how can we fix
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. First and foremost, we have to find issues in order to fix that.
According to
 recent research, human beings tend to consume much more
caffeine
 in the past 50 years and
this
 can lead to short sleep.
Also
, nowadays, mankind
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 in offices because of high income
however
 they spend energy less than other
people
 and humans who
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in past times.
Besides
, the human race eats a lot of junk food
hence
 their meals don’t have any balance and
this
 type of diet
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a bad effect on our sleep.
Moreover
,
according to
 Dr John Cassel, fresh
air
 is impacted the human brain which special area for sleep and we sleep more quality thanks to fresh
air
. as I said above some
people
 do office work and there is no fresh
air
 in offices.
Secondly
, in
this
 paragraph, let us take a look at solutions. When we examine older
people
, their rate of taking
caffeine
 are minimum level
therefore
people
 have to reduce taking
caffeine
.
This
 way has many benefits for us.
For example
, the most important benefit is we sleep well and that can cause our budget because we don’t spend a lot of money on
caffeine
. Meanwhile, for good periods of sleep, we must do training because we don’t
any
Add a missing verb
have any
show examples
 chance of a change of our occupation. It is far from reality.
Furthermore
, when we begin to do some exercise, we have to change our diet. Humankind avoids junk foods and must eat vegetables, proteins, and carbohydrates
such
 as cucumber,chicken, and rice.
People
 have to take fresh
air
 in their free time.
Thus
, in their free ,time
people
 can go to parks and forests. In conclusion, there are many reasons for lack of sleep
for instance
 taking an overdose of
caffeine
, little movement and harmful feeding habits
while
Change preposition
For
show examples
 these reasons, humans can have quality sleep easily if they
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
 some changes in their lives
such
 as doing exercises and feeding healthy.
Submitted by kerimalgull on

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task response
The essay partially addresses the task. The introduction and conclusion are weak and lack development. There is also a lack of clarity and coherence in presenting ideas.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is apparent, but it could be improved through better organization and development of ideas. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly presented.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Insomnia
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Sleep disorders
  • Sleep quality
  • Fatigue
  • Exhaustion
  • Restless
  • Restorative sleep
  • REM sleep
  • Circadian rhythm
  • Sleep hygiene
  • Napping
  • Sleep duration
  • Melatonin
  • Sleep-inducing
  • Drowsiness
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Obstructive sleep apnea
  • Snoring
  • Sleepwalking
  • Sleep talking
  • Shift work
  • Sleeping pills
  • Sleep aid
  • Relaxation techniques
  • Meditation
  • Deep breathing
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