IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

n increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#n #people #surgery #appearance #operation #change #development
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There is no doubt these days that
overall
Linking Words
 people
contravening
Wrong verb form
contravene
show examples
 surrounding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plastic
Use synonyms
 surgery. The question is why the figure of individuals tends to change their body appearance.In
this
Linking Words
 ,
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay
show examples
 I am going to list the aetiology of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and discuss both
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 and
bright
Correct article usage
the bright
show examples
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 of it . Howe ever, modification or changing human body matter has
variety
Replace the word
various
show examples
causes
Change preposition
of causes
show examples
 .
Firstly
Linking Words
 ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous people
such
Linking Words
 as actors or singers play
tremendously
Add an article
a tremendously
show examples
 critical role in
this
Linking Words
 subject . In other
wards
Correct your spelling
words
show examples
, they always demonstrate the fake beauty picture and
concentrating
Wrong verb form
concentrate
show examples
 on the external appearance through
plastic
Use synonyms
 surgeries.
Secondly
Linking Words
 , the availabilities and affordable of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cosmetic medical procedures in the major of countries , because the number of individuals
wants
Correct pronoun usage
who wants
show examples
 to
altered
Change the verb
alter
show examples
 their body has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rocketed . In terms of positive
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cosmetic operations . The main reason given to support the claim is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when
plastic
Use synonyms
 procedures employ to repair or solve crucial or critical health problems . To illustrate . if
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
 used to repair the nose bone after
car
Add an article
a car
show examples
 accident.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 the negative aspect is when the people became
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
 the same
face
Replace the word
facial
show examples
 features to be more specific when the girl asked to make my face like that beautiful actor . In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the argument
according to
Linking Words
 cosmetic operation .
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe must improve the nation's
awernence
Correct your spelling
emergence
 and recognize
this
Linking Words
 matter and when we can do
plastic
Use synonyms
 surgery.
Submitted by dhmshitaghreed on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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