IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #changes #birth #death #rates #zealand #summarise #features #comparisons
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The given line graph illustrates the statistical information, regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
birth
Use synonyms
 and
death
Use synonyms
 rates in New Zealand from 1901 to 2101. The units are measured in
thousands
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly indicated that both above-mentioned factors are experienced
dramatic
Add an article
a dramatic
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 increase.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, at the beginning of the
period
Add a comma
,period
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 the mark of
birth
Use synonyms
 rate
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted for 20
Use synonyms
thousands
Correct your spelling
thousand
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 of people,
while
Linking Words
 the index of
death
Use synonyms
 was made for 10
Use synonyms
thousands
Correct your spelling
thousand
show examples
 of citizens. After that, there was a sharply grow in
birth
Use synonyms
 and in 1961 hit a peak, with
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 index of about 65
Use synonyms
thousands
Correct your spelling
thousand
show examples
 of people. Having some fluctuation, close to 2021
this
Linking Words
 indicator fell to 52, approximately and
this
Linking Words
 trend of
birth
Use synonyms
 is going to
be continue
Change the verb form
continue
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 until the end of the period. Turning to the
death
Use synonyms
 rates, it can be seen that there was a constant increase from 1901 to 2001.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced a
drammatic
Correct your spelling
dramatic
 tise to 2021 and it is supposed that
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
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 process will keep
to
Change preposition
until
show examples
 2051.
Then
Linking Words
 the mark of
death
Use synonyms
 will be stable
to
Change preposition
until
show examples
 the end of the given period.
Submitted by azatorazalin on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, death, thousands with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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