IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #changes #birth #death #rates #zealand #summarise #features #comparisons
The given line graph illustrates the statistical information, regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
birth
 and
death
 rates in New Zealand from 1901 to 2101. The units are measured in
thousands
.
Overall
, it is clearly indicated that both above-mentioned factors are experienced
dramatic
Add an article
a dramatic
show examples
 increase.
To begin
 with, at the beginning of the
period
Add a comma
,period
show examples
 the mark of
birth
 rate
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for 20
thousands
Correct your spelling
thousand
show examples
 of people,
while
 the index of
death
 was made for 10
thousands
Correct your spelling
thousand
show examples
 of citizens. After that, there was a sharply grow in
birth
 and in 1961 hit a peak, with
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 index of about 65
thousands
Correct your spelling
thousand
show examples
 of people. Having some fluctuation, close to 2021
this
 indicator fell to 52, approximately and
this
 trend of
birth
 is going to
be continue
Change the verb form
continue
show examples
 until the end of the period. Turning to the
death
 rates, it can be seen that there was a constant increase from 1901 to 2001.
Following
this
, it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced a
drammatic
Correct your spelling
dramatic
 tise to 2021 and it is supposed that
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
 process will keep
to
Change preposition
until
show examples
 2051.
Then
 the mark of
death
 will be stable
to
Change preposition
until
show examples
 the end of the given period.
Submitted by azatorazalin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, death, thousands with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: