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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many countries now have people from different cultures and ethnic groups. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

The present century has witnessed the surprisingly increasing formation of multicultural societies where
people
Use synonyms
 who belong to a different
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culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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,
religion
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religions
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 and
nation
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nations
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 stay together.
Although
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 it has both negative and positive effects on a
country
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. There are many reasons why
people
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 tend to emigrate from one
country
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 to another. I would discuss some reasons,
along with
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 merits and demerits in the upcoming paragraph.
To begin
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 with some causes of why
people
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 move from
country
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 to
country
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.
First
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The first
show examples
 and foremost reason is for
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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. Developed nations provide excellent services like health care services, career opportunities and many more to their citizens, so that’s why
people
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 from undeveloped or developing
countries
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 shift to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed nation for
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 better future.
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Moreover
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,Moreover
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 nowadays most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children pursue their studies
in
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apply
show examples
abroad because of their facilities
such
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 as
scholarship
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scholarships
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, practical
skill
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skills
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 and education system which they do not receive in their own
country
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 and
that is
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 one of the reasons
people
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 move to another
country
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.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 demographic trend brings many advantages to raced mixed
countries
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.
Firstly
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, immigrants
such
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 as engineers, scholars and other highly skilled professionals create competition
as well as
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 productivity which
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
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up
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apply
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the
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countries’
Correct your spelling
countries
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 economy.
Secondly
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,
this
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 trend promotes different customs and traditions
such
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 as new languages, food and fashion.
In addition
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to
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apply
show examples
in
this
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 way, a small
country
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’s
culture
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 gets an international standard which is very beneficial for
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 nation to which it belongs.
For example
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, Punjabi
culture
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 is famous in many
countries
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 because many Punjabi
people
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 are settled in different
countries
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.
Further
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, multiculturalism
also
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 fosters cultural diversity and
hence
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people
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 become open-minded and tolerant.
However
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, despite its benefits,
this
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 situation has some negative consequences. Sometimes different
culture
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 leads
some
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to some
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 conflicts between
people
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 which create disturbance in society and indirectly affect the
country
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’s economy.
For example
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, in America, where it has still existed
the
Correct article usage
a
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 distinction between the White and the Black man
.
Add a missing verb
is.
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 In conclusion,
although
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 having lots of merits of multi-cultures but drawbacks should not be ignored. I believe that the government’s control plays a vital role in society’s growth and development. So they have to make sure that equality and justice should be maintained if they want to move smoothly.

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