IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the productions and processing of milk and dairy products for commercial sale.

The diagram below shows the productions and processing of milk and dairy products for commercial sale.
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The diagram detailed the production and steps of
milk
Use synonyms
 and dairy products for retail. The process begins with cows grazing in the open with green grass.
Next,
Linking Words
modern machines milked the cows twice a day. After that, the
milk
Use synonyms
 was distributed to two tanks by pipes.
In addition
Linking Words
, the diary was processed in the factory with some containers with pipes connected to other tanks. The
milk
Use synonyms
 truck delivered
milk
Use synonyms
 to the factory daily to get the materials
milk
Use synonyms
 truck delivered
milk
Use synonyms
 to the factory every day.
As a result
Linking Words
, some products
such
Linking Words
 as cheese, cream, and butter are produced and ready to distribute to supermarkets and shops. To produce
milk
Use synonyms
, one more step, namely pasteurized and packaging, before the products are released to the consumers.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are three key processes. The first is machine-milked cows twice a day, the next is the
milk
Use synonyms
 is processed by some massive containers and the
last
Linking Words
 stage is chemical steps.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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