IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The animal species are becoming extint due to human activities on land and in sea. What are the reason and solution ?

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Issues related to the extinction of animal
species
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due to
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 the activity of humans are frequently discussed these days. Many human activities on land and in the sea have a negative impact on animals, resulting in
becoming
Verb problem
apply
show examples
extinction. In the following paragraphs, both causes and practical solutions will be examined in detail before a conclusion is reached. The clearest cause is deforestation, resulting from rural people, demolishing their own lands to build houses
as well as
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 create tourist destinations.
In other words
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, these actions affect the destruction of animals' habitat
as well as
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 the lack of food resources,
as a result
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, they are starved and eventually die out. Food web destruction
also
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 contributes to an imbalance in the ecosystem. When some animal
species
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 die, it will effect on naturally other
species
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.
For instance
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, if humans want to honey, they
do
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apply
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kill bees in order to obtain
this
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 honey. Whenever bees are lost, it can
effect on
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cause
show examples
 flora to die out as well.
However
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, there are many viable solutions that can be solved for these causes.
Firstly
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, an obvious solution is that people can plant trees and encourage other people to preserve forests through social media
such
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 as Facebook, Instagram or even other media pathways. Raising awareness could be
also
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 provided by a national government in order to build a sense of preservation in peoples' minds.
Additionally
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, launching regulations clearly measures to reduce these causes. In conclusion,
according to
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 the information mentioned above, it can be summarised that animal
species
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 are lost because of several reasons and these problems can be solved by cooperation between the government and the public.

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task response
The essay provides a relevant response to the task, but the introduction and conclusion need to be strengthened to fully address the question. The main points are supported with examples, but the response could be more complete overall.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but the introduction and conclusion need improvement. Additionally, the ideas should be more logically and cohesively connected for better flow and coherence.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and includes relevant words and phrases. However, some expressions are imprecise and affect the overall lexical resource. It is recommended to focus on using precise and accurate vocabulary for a higher score.
grammatical range
There is evidence of good grammatical control in the essay, but there are some errors in sentence structure, word forms, and punctuation that affect the overall grammatical range. Attention to sentence structure and usage of appropriate verb forms is essential for improvement.
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