IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph gives information in proportions about the changing pattern of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK.There are 4 indicators CD player,Mobile phone,Home computer and Interner access.

The line graph gives information in proportions about the changing pattern of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK.There are 4 indicators CD player,Mobile phone,Home computer and Interner access.
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The line graph gives information in
proportions
Fix the agreement mistake
proportion
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 about the changing pattern of domestic
access
Use synonyms
 to modern technology in homes in the UK.There are 4 indicators CD player,Mobile phone,Home computer and
Interner
Correct your spelling
Internet
show examples
access
Use synonyms
, broadly speaking it can be clearly seen that all of the lines had a growth. At the beginning it is
evidently
Replace the word
evident
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 that
CD
Correct article usage
the CD
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player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
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 had the highest percentage,
Linking Words
furthermore
Add a comma
,furthermore
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 over the years it was only climbing gradually and reached approximately 80%.
Wherease
Correct your spelling
Whereas
 the internet
access
Use synonyms
 had the lowest percentage
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 it is important to notice that the internet
access
Use synonyms
 started later than the other ones
moreover
Linking Words
 it had only rocketed considerably and doubled from 20% to around 40%.There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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also
Linking Words
 lines of the home computer and the mobile phone.The percentage of home
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 had a
steadily
Change the word
steady
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 rise
although
Linking Words
at the end
Linking Words
 it
falled
Correct your spelling
fell
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 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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second place to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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third.The mobile phone had a rapid increase through the years and jumped from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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last
Linking Words
 place in 1996 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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second place in 2003 with about 70%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words access with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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