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Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.
#show #proportions #british #students #university #england #languages #addition #english
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in these pie charts, we intend to compare the ability of
students
Use synonyms
 who were able to talk in other languages except English in 2000 and 2010 at one of the universities in the UK.
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the highest number of
students
Use synonyms
 who could talk in other languages belonged to Spanish speech
although
Linking Words
 the minimal of them could converse
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the German language.
moreover
Linking Words
, these pie charts illustrate the number of
students
Use synonyms
 who speak no other language declined significantly during
this
Linking Words
 period.
according to
Linking Words
 that, in 2010, there was a marginal rise among
students
Use synonyms
 who were able to talk only Spanish
so that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
so this
show examples
 amount stood at just about 35%.
also
Linking Words
, these statistics show that the number of
students
Use synonyms
 who were able to talk with other one and two other languages increase
5
Change preposition
by 5
show examples
% in both of them. so these figures stood at about 20% and 15% respectively in 2010.
in addition
Linking Words
, the figure of
them
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who did not able to talk in any language go down rapidly from 20% to 10% between 2000 and 2010.
moreover
Linking Words
,
moreover
Linking Words
, there was a decline
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 5% in 2010 for the
students
Use synonyms
 who were able to speak
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
French. And
finally
Linking Words
, the total of
students
Use synonyms
 who could speak German was 10% in both years.
Submitted by amirhsina on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportions
  • British students
  • university
  • speaking other languages
  • language proficiency
  • overall trends
  • comparison
  • 2000
  • 2010
  • chart
  • data
  • percentage
  • significant
  • increase
  • decrease
  • noteworthy
  • comparative analysis
  • improvement
  • decline
  • conclusion
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