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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.
#amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #status
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The bar chart illustrates the amount of free
time
Use synonyms
 per
week
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 both for men and
women
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 in five
categories
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 of employment status from 1998 to 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
,
It is clear that
Linking Words
 men enjoyed more
hours
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 of
leisure
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time
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 per
week
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 than
women
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 in three out of five
categories
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.
However
Linking Words
, only figures for
women
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 are shown in two
categories
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, namely employed part-
time
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 and housewives. Among the full-
time
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 employed people,
obviously
Add a comma
obviously,
show examples
 men had slightly more
leisure
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time
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 than
women
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, with approximately 45
hours
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 of free
time
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 per
week
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, compared to around 38
hours
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 for
women
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. Obviously, unemployed and retired people had the longest period of
leisure
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 activity of both genders.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the figures for retired males and females were exactly the same as those for the unemployed, at around 85 and 78
hours
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 of free
time
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 per
week
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, respectively. Housewives enjoyed 50
hours
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 of spare
time
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, a little more than part-
time
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 and full-
time
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 working
women
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 who had just over 40 and 38
leisure
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hours
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 each
week
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, respectively but less than the unemployed and retired
women
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. No data
gave
Wrong verb form
was given
show examples
 for employed and housewives of these
categories
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. 183 words.
Submitted by ssirirat on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, week, women, categories, hours, leisure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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