The chart below shows the global sales of different kinds digital games from 2000 to 2006
The bar chart provides information about money from
sales
of 4 various games
in $bn
between 2000 to 2006. Looking from overall
view, all Correct article usage
an overall
kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
games
became
Wrong verb form
become
demanded
, but console Change preposition
in demand
games
.
Handheld Add a missing verb
are.
games
still shows
the highest number of Change the verb form
show
sales
, while
, console games
had decrease
Change the verb form
decreased
almost
50% Change preposition
by almost
of
Change preposition
in
sales
. Regarding to
the information Remove the preposition
apply
getting
by 2000, Verb problem
apply
there
online and mobile Rephrase
apply
phones
Change the noun form
phone
games
was not on sale, when
console Correct word choice
while
games
got around 6 $bn
and handheld game
11$bn
. After which handled games
and console games
had some fluctuations. Handled having steadily increase
, Change the verb form
increased
while
console had marginally fall in sales
between 2000 to 2003. This
trend was followed by handled had small
increase and Correct article usage
a small
this
amount was stable for console
. Add an article
the console
a console
However
, they continued their trends by
handheld hitting Change preposition
with
his
highest number, having almost Correct pronoun usage
their
18$
Correct your spelling
18bn
bn
at the end of period
, Add an article
the period
while
this
time console hitted
Correct your spelling
hit
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
low-point
(around 3$Correct your spelling
low point
bn
)t and being
the less Verb problem
became
demand
Replace the word
demanding
game
in 2006. Online game
started Fix the agreement mistake
games
this
way in 2001 having around 0,5 $bn
, after an
year mobile phone Change the article
a
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
also
started his
sale and showed the same amount as Correct pronoun usage
apply
online
Add an article
an online
game
, showing around 1$Fix the agreement mistake
games
bn
in 2002. In 2003 sales
of mobile phone games
plummeted, being higher than online (3 $bn
and 2.5$bn
). After in 2004 they had same
amount around 4$Change the article
the same
bn
. Alghout
, there was Correct your spelling
Although
demand
for both Add an article
a demand
the demand
games
and at the end
of period
they had Add an article
the period
increase
and finished the trend with mobile phones Change the verb form
increased
games
almost
7$ Change preposition
at almost
bn
and online games
around
9$ Change preposition
at around
bn
Submitted by Abdu.abetayev on
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, games, bn, game with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 6 times.
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