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Band 5

What are some of the problems associated with reliance on computers, and what are some of the possible solutions?

#reliance #computers
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A generation ago, all things considered to worked and applied with the hands and the human
brains
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brain
show examples
,
although
Linking Words
 we had
considerably
Change the adverb
considerable
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 improvement in any type of science ,our
spead
Correct your spelling
speed
 was
tottaly
Correct your spelling
totally
 slow.
However
Linking Words
 these days our knowledge is becoming increasingly fast ,but
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human innovations completely rely on modern systems
such
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 as computers, Artificial
Inteligence
Correct your spelling
Intelligence
 and so on. In
this
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essay
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,essay
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 I will discuss the reasons for
this
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 problem and propose some
solution
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solutions
show examples
. First of all, the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
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 problem is that the students in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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schools or even in higher education
such
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 as
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 are easy to use
calculator
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calculators
show examples
,
computer
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computers
show examples
 and even smartphones
while
Linking Words
 they have to take their exams.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 they
expreinces
Correct your spelling
experiences
, building on work with an assistant that we called
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
!
This
Linking Words
 issue could be
addresed
Correct your spelling
addressed
 by the managers and
commites
Correct your spelling
committees
commits
 of the schools and universities respectively
with
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by
show examples
 changing their rules in their
educations
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education
show examples
. Another fact that
provide
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provides
show examples
 our society to
depending
Wrong verb form
depend
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 on
electornics
Correct your spelling
electronics
electronic
 systems is lying
on
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to
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 governments
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they encourage people to
useless
Correct your spelling
use less
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 paper and
this
Linking Words
 plan leads to using more and more
of
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apply
show examples
computers.
This
Linking Words
 problem could
be tackle
Change the verb form
be tackled
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
government
Add an article
the government
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to
Change preposition
by
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changes
Wrong verb form
change
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they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 plan and
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
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 a tax
of
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on
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 energy.
On the other hand
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, some people believe without smart
systmes
Correct your spelling
systems
system
 we couldn't keep moving forward to
achieves
Wrong verb form
achieve
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 our goals for
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 generations.
for example
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, just
image
Replace the word
imagine
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
NASA
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 without their professional computers, what
whould
Correct your spelling
would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happen? So our life
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
close-knitt
Correct your spelling
close-knit
 relationships with worlds of
CPU's
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CPU
show examples
 and we can not ignore
this
Linking Words
 anyway. In conclusion, I think the way forward lies
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
commites
Correct your spelling
committees
 of education systems and the governments. Education commitments should
be write
Change the verb form
be writing
show examples
some
Change preposition
with some
show examples
 rules that students
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not accesses to use
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
 at least in their exams and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 with creating some plans like
rising
Add an article
a rising
the rising
show examples
 tax on energy to push people on the oldest
systmes
Correct your spelling
systems
system
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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