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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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These pie charts depict the proportion of adult working
time
Use synonyms
 spent on a variety of activities in a particular nation between 1958 and 2008. It is clear from the graph that the percentages of all activities have increased except sleeping rates and
also
Linking Words
 going out figures.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, In 1958 we can see 33% of
time
Use synonyms
 spent on work which is represented the most thing consumed
time
Use synonyms
. And, sleeping came after with 32 per
cent
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 hanging out with friends or family nearly a fifth of the
time
Use synonyms
. And, stay at home spend 8 per
cent
Use synonyms
, other hobbies or doing exercise represented 6% of the
time
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 travel to work needs insignificant which is 2 per
cent
Use synonyms
 only.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2008 as we can see the rate of
time
Use synonyms
 expend increased by 42% and relaxing at home decreased to 13 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
, other interests or playing sports increased with insignificant and being 8%
also
Linking Words
 going out declined and represented at 6%
although
Linking Words
, the
time
Use synonyms
 needed to go to work increased not that match as we can see it is 8 per-
cent
Use synonyms
 and sleeping spend rate decreased and reached 25%.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
-consuming in working represented nearly half in 2008 and sleeping declined compared with 1958.
Submitted by jqanber4 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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