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Band 2.5

some people say that parents should encourage their children to take parts in organized group activities in their free time, others say that it's important for them to learn how occupy themselves on their own

#people #parents #children #parts #group #activities #time
The use of leisure
time
 by young
minds
 is very considerable among their parents. Some masses
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that growing
minds
 should gather in their free
time
 in order to do something productive whilst others support the idea of staying alone. In
this
 essay, I
willl
Correct your spelling
will
 look at both sides of the argument and give my opinion. In my view, a child who prefers to stay away from a group
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
leisure
Correct article usage
a leisure
show examples
 period can do very productive and different in his
life
. It gives him
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
 to work on himself
instead
 of wasting
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gathering
Add an article
the gathering
a gathering
show examples
.
Moreover
, growing
minds
 always learn bad habits from each other which
remains
Add the particle
toremains
show examples
stick
Wrong verb form
stuck
show examples
 to them throughout their
life
. By
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
, spending
time
 in
Add an article
a group
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 encourages them to do parties and
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 fun which distracts their mind from their career. On other hand, doing something
along with
 others can be useful in various ways for children.
Firstly
, it involves a number of brains which means more ideas and more creativity. They can learn from each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 and eliminate the mistakes in
life
.
Secondly
, it develops
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
confidence in
little
Add an article
the little
a little
show examples
 soul which is very essential nowadays to succeed in any field in
life
.
To conclude
, young
minds
 should
left
Change the verb form
leave
show examples
 alone in
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
show examples
time
 so they can make decisions on their own which makes their mind sharp and they can take quick decisions in their
life
.
Submitted by sukh24deol on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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