IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

some people say that parents should encourage their children to take parts in organized group activities in their free time, others say that it's important for them to learn how occupy themselves on their own

#people #parents #children #parts #group #activities #time
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The use of leisure
time
Use synonyms
 by young
minds
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 is very considerable among their parents. Some masses
believes
Change the verb form
believe
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 that growing
minds
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 should gather in their free
time
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 in order to do something productive whilst others support the idea of staying alone. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I
willl
Correct your spelling
will
 look at both sides of the argument and give my opinion. In my view, a child who prefers to stay away from a group
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
leisure
Correct article usage
a leisure
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 period can do very productive and different in his
life
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. It gives him
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
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 to work on himself
instead
Linking Words
 of wasting
time
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gathering
Add an article
the gathering
a gathering
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, growing
minds
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 always learn bad habits from each other which
remains
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toremains
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stick
Wrong verb form
stuck
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 to them throughout their
life
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. By
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time
Add an article
the time
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, spending
time
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 in
Add an article
a group
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group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 encourages them to do parties and
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 fun which distracts their mind from their career. On other hand, doing something
along with
Linking Words
 others can be useful in various ways for children.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it involves a number of brains which means more ideas and more creativity. They can learn from each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 and eliminate the mistakes in
life
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it develops
a
Remove the article
apply
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confidence in
little
Add an article
the little
a little
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 soul which is very essential nowadays to succeed in any field in
life
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, young
minds
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 should
left
Change the verb form
leave
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 alone in
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
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time
Use synonyms
 so they can make decisions on their own which makes their mind sharp and they can take quick decisions in their
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sukh24deol on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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