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Band 3.5

Reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#stories #books #tv #computer #games #children
Thesedays
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These days
, Rarely do kids study stories
of
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from
show examples
 novels and they often
using
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use
show examples
 their smartphones, electricity devices, video
games
 and so on.
How ever
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However
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 I think parents have the most crucial role in their behaviour and
also
 their
life style
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lifestyle
show examples
. I completely agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
children
 have to
spending
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 more time
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
books and in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will support my opinion with
example
Correct article usage
an example
show examples
. First of all, more study often
improve
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improves
show examples
 the
memmory
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memory
 of
children
 and
expanding
Wrong verb form
expand
show examples
 the area of
thier
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their
 vocabulary,
insteantly
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instantly
 playing
games
 and watching television just giving them
feeling
Add an article
a feeling
the feeling
show examples
 of enjoyment.
For
example
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,example
show examples
 when a kid
try
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tries
show examples
 to study a novel about animals they could memorize them and
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 his
knwoledge
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knowledge
 to learn more about
environment
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the environment
show examples
such
 as
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the speciease
show examples
speciease
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species
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 live in a forest. Another reason why I agree with useless tv
games
 and other E-devices like smartphones is that
this applications
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this application
these applications
show examples
 could change their nature to a violent person, but when
children
 inhabit to studying it could have so many
positives
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positive
show examples
 effects on them. On the other sides, some
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 believe video
games
 could improve the creativity of
children
 and give them an
aportunity
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opportunity
 to
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 fast. They believe the pros of creativity
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more than
cons
Correct article usage
the cons
show examples
 of violent behaviour.
To sum up
,
personally
Add a comma
,personally
show examples
 I believe reading is a necessary thing to upbringing the kids
moreover
 the
computers
Change the noun form
computer
show examples
 systems have so many negative effects on the personality of
children
 and absolutely the way forward for
this
 issue
liyng
Correct your spelling
lying
 with the parents of kids.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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