IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age (eg. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that a certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

The one question that was
tought
Correct your spelling
taught
thought
 by some people
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 should be equal for everyone ignoring the different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
. So, pension should be deserved to
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 at an earlier
age
Use synonyms
. In my opinion.
I’m not agree
Change the verb form
I do not agree
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in
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 reason.
In addition
Linking Words
, the type is supposed to get
Use synonyms
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 from early
retirement
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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. Despite its
benefit
Use synonyms
 and importance, each
job
Use synonyms
’s
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 should be decided depending on
a
Correct article usage
apply
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different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of risks and how much effort it takes to become these careers.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, risky and hard
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 will not be given
a
Remove the article
apply
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justice in their working life.
For example
Linking Words
, a petrochemical worker who works with dangerous gases should get an earlier
retirement
Use synonyms
, compared to a teacher whose
job
Use synonyms
 was to take a lower
risk
Use synonyms
 and easier to be. The elders who have more
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 than the rookies are still necessary in every industry.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the more
age
Use synonyms
 affects
to
Change preposition
apply
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their working abilities. Should some careers become older, these workers will lead to several problems in their working process
as well as
Linking Words
 the company itself, including
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
For instance
Linking Words
, An
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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 bus driver whose awareness of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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safety on the road is a must during his working hours may suffer an accident, which brings about not only a mistake but a possible death
also
Linking Words
. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 each
job
Use synonyms
 should get welfare from early
retirement
Use synonyms
,
nonetheless
Linking Words
, a higher-
risk
Use synonyms
 career who has been working
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 danger should get
benefit
Use synonyms
 from
organization
Correct article usage
the organization
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 significantly. Or else, no one wants to be
Correct article usage
a high
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high
Add a hyphen
high-risk
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risk
Use synonyms
 worker because
reward
Add an article
the reward
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 does not worth
a
Correct article usage
the
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 danger. For another instance. Solider and police
has
Change the verb form
have
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 been taking mount of an unpredictable situation that can steal their soul. Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most government in the world established the provident fund for
working-class
Correct article usage
the working-class
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,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, these prize hasn’t been given to a volunteer improving our world. It isn’t fair.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
senate
Capitalize word
Senate
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Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is the place of representative
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 is supposed to design or revise a equitable law.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 don’t agree with
this
Linking Words
 topic, because suitable time not only shouldn’t depend on
age
Use synonyms
 but
supposed
Add a missing verb
is supposed
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 to rely on
risk
Use synonyms
 and hardness, including
work ability
Correct your spelling
workability
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
high
Add a hyphen
high-risk
show examples
risk
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and
volunteer
Fix the agreement mistake
volunteers
show examples
 should get
benefit
Use synonyms
 from their organization outstanding.

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