IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and town B in 1960, 2010.

The charts below show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and town B in 1960, 2010.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts below illustrate the percentage of men and women who occupied three different sectors in two towns in the year 1960 and 2010 respectively. A significant change can be seen in
town
Use synonyms
 A compared to
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, In the year 1960, in both A and
B
Use synonyms
 towns, people mostly worked in the manufacturing field
whereas
Linking Words
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 2010, the least number of employees were from manufacturing in
town
Use synonyms
 A
while
Linking Words
 in
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 the least popular sector was sales.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
town
Use synonyms
 A, the number of workers in the sales division dropped in half from 30% to 16% over a 50-year period of time
while
Linking Words
 in
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, the percentage remained almost the same from 1960 to 2010. In both towns, the number of heads worked in the service section had more than doubled over the 50 years.
However
Linking Words
, in the year 1960, the percentage of people who were involved in services was high in
town
Use synonyms
 A compared to
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in
town
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
, more than half were involved in production-related jobs in both 1960 and 2010
although
Linking Words
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
town
Use synonyms
 A, it has been reduced in half from 41% to 20% over the time

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words town, b with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: