IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

percentage of Australian men and women doing regular physical activity: 2010

#percentage #australian #men #women #activity
The chart illustrates the percentage of males and
females
 in Australia that were regular in doing physical
activities
 in 2010.
Overall
, it is apparent that only half of men and
women
 in Australia did
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily physical activity.
In addition
, more proportion of
women
 was more physically active than men except in the age group of 15 to 24. With regards to males, the amount in the proportion plummeted sharply from 52.8% for the '15 to 24' group to 42.2%
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the '25 to 34' group.
Furthermore
, 46.1% of older Australian males did regular physical tasks, which was higher than the proportion of men in the range of 35 to 44.
On the other hand
, a higher percentage of
females
 indulged in physically demanding
activities
 regularly than the percentage of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 male counterparts. There was a spike in more
females
 between 35 to 44
years
 of age doing physically intensive
activities
 in comparison to
females
 between 25 to 34
years
. The trend plummets sharply with only 47.1% of older
women
 who are 65
years
 and beyond participating in physical
activities
 in comparison to middle-aged
women
 between 55 to 64
years
.
Submitted by shantanusharma094 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: