IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There is an argument that women should work in force.Others think that they can work other area. Write both views and your opinion

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Many people argue that
women
Use synonyms
 should work in a different field than force. In the essay, I will discuss both views and will give my opinion as well.
Firstly
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, one side of the argument believes in gender equality. Gender equality means
women
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 are as equal to
men
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 in society and they are capable of all opportunities.
For example
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,
women
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 joining the force will bring diversity in the
defence
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 system that will bring national pride for
men
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 and
women
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 equally.
Secondly
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, female joining the military is
also
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 a matter of
women
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 empowerment. We are living in a world where the country's economic growth depends on males and females both.
Therefore
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,
women
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 joining the force will not only bring physical but mental strength to our
defence
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 system.
However
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, another side of the argument state that
women
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 should join another field.
Firstly
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,
women
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 are physically weak. If female will go to the frontline to fight they might not be able to win physical fights with
men
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.
Secondly
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,
women
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 are naturally meant to do a more brainy job which is why joining the
defence
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 will not be a good option for them. In the end, in my ,opinion
men
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 and ,
women
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 both are equal and are meant to do the same job.
That is
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 why
women
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 should get into the
defence
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 which will bring diversity to our
defence
Use synonyms
 system.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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