IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The pie and bar charts below show the percentage of water consumption and use in Australia in 2004.

The pie and bar charts below show the percentage of water consumption and use in Australia in 2004.
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the pie chart illustrates the proportion of
water
Use synonyms
 consumption in different areas in Australia in the year 2004,
whereas
Linking Words
 the bar graph compares the
purposes
Use synonyms
 of residential
water
Use synonyms
 usage.
overall
Linking Words
, a significant amount of
water
Use synonyms
 was utilised for residential
purposes
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 other categories were relatively similar in the surveyed year. remarkably, the consumption of
water
Use synonyms
 in the bathroom and garden is recorded to head the list in terms of residential
water
Use synonyms
 use. looking in detail, the percentage of
water
Use synonyms
 usage in residential areas accounted for 70%, followed by the figure for industrial and business
purposes
Use synonyms
, taking up 11% and 10%, respectively. the category of government's
water
Use synonyms
 usage reached 6%, which was 2 times higher than that of "others" in the given year. regarding the bar graph, the proportion of
water
Use synonyms
 utilization in the garden hit its peak of 28%,
while
Linking Words
 only 10% of
water
Use synonyms
 was used in the kitchen.
moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure for washing clothes was 20% in comparison with 15% of that in the toilet. residents used over a quarter of the total
water
Use synonyms
 for
purposes
Use synonyms
 in the bathroom.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, purposes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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