The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In the modern days, women’s social position has become more important compared to the past.
However
, at the same time, it is said that this
causes young people’s misbehaving
Wrong verb form
misbehave
due to
not being at home. Personally, I believe that having parents
around at home to supervise more may prevent their children
from getting into troubles
.
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
To begin
with, juveniles can’t judge right from wrong as they lack the knowledge and experience to make the right decision. One example is that Japanese prisons are separated for those under 18 years old or over. The public normally thinks of young people as inexperienced and immature because they are too young to consider their behaviours seriously. This
proves that parents
should supervise juveniles and protect their children
from any troubles
.
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
parents
also
can prevent their children
from getting into a serious situation in advance by being aware of their subtle changes in behaviours and words. Unlike the others, parents
can sense their offspring’s trivial changes while
they spend a daily and usual life together. A report issued by a crime research center
in Japan said that the amount of Change the spelling
centre
having
conversations with Unnecessary verb
apply
parents
is relevant to the number of juvenile crimes. The less they talk in their house, the more young people commit a crime in their youth. This
can show that the amount of caring for children
is crucial to keep them safe.
In conclusion, young people can avoid misbehaving by having their parents
around at home because parents
can give some advice from their experience and sense children
’s slight mental changes and solve them.Submitted by ka.ki.ku.ke.kohei0827 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
