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Band 5

The most essential component of a person’s life is his or her time at the workplace, and life turns meaningless once no job satisfaction is obtained. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is argued that a lack of
job
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satisfaction
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 can lead to a meaningless
life
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 because
people
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 spend most of their lifetime at
work
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. Personally, I disagree with
this
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 notion since a meaningful
life
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 does not stem from
job
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fulfilment
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 alone.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, there are compelling reasons why being satisfied with
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
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 is of paramount importance.
Firstly
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, as
people
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 spend a certain amount of time, approximately 40 hours a week, achievements at
work
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 provide them a sense of purpose and
fulfilment
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are two of the key elements of a truly meaningful
life
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. In fact, those
people
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 who find themselves stuck at a dead-end
job
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 for years may doubt themselves, develop a low sense of self-worth and suffer some psychological disorders like depression.
Secondly
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, jobs can have a profound impact on other parts of
life
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such
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, such
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 as health and romantic relationships.
Therefore
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,
fulfilment
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 at
work
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 can be transferred to the
overall
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 contentment of other aspects of our lives.
Body paragraph 2
Apart from
job
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satisfaction
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, there are other values that can fulfil a
person
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's
life
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.
Of
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Among
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 the most
drivers
Correct word choice
important drivers
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 of
life
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, contributions to society play an important role. A
person
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 may find
meaningful
Correct pronoun usage
it meaningful
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 when
creating
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create
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 a positive influence on the community when he lives.
For example
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, participating in environmental groups to protect the habitat can bring about active emotions. These contributions can compensate for their loss of
job
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satisfaction
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.
In addition
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, what makes a
person
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 feel
fulfiled
Correct your spelling
fulfilled
 is practically individual preference.
Hence
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, to assess whether a
person
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 finds his or her meaningful
life
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 depends on their core values
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 vary from one individual to another.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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job
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satisfaction
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 is undoubtedly crucial for many
people
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's
overall
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 well-being, it is not universally the most essential element in a
person
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's
life
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. The significance of
job
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 and
work
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satisfaction
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 varies widely based on individual values and circumstances. A meaningful
life
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 can be found through a range of aspects.
Hence
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, it is important to consider a holistic perspective on what brings purpose and
fulfilment
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 to an individual's
life
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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. It will help the reader understand your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words to link your ideas more clearly, such as 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally'.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your points stronger.
task achievement
Clarify your main arguments to ensure they are fully developed and easy to understand.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by recognizing the importance of job satisfaction and other aspects of life.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is important for guiding the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • essential
  • component
  • workplace
  • job satisfaction
  • meaningless
  • extent
  • agree
  • disagree
  • significant
  • crucial
  • purposeless
  • factors
  • contribute
  • balancing
  • personal life
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