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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The maps show the evolution of Youngsville, New Zealand, over a 25-year period between 1980 and 2005.

The maps show the evolution of Youngsville, New Zealand, over a 25-year period between 1980 and 2005.
The diagrams demonstrate how Youngsville transformed over a 25-year period starting in 1980. Looking from the
overall
Linking Words
 perspective,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Youngsville in New Zealand witnessed a remarkable industrialization process with the most noticeable changes being the demolition of the vast woodland which was replaced by the birth of factories and skyscrapers. The most noticeable feature is that the plants in the South of
Use synonyms
river
Correct your spelling
River
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 Alanah
were
Change the verb form
was
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 chopped down. At that time, Youngsville experienced the mushrooming of factories and one warehouse to the Northeast of the Airport was erected.
Besides
Linking Words
, all the residential areas along the railway line were cleared to make room for skyscrapers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a number of plants
in
Change preposition
apply
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the North of
Use synonyms
river
Correct your spelling
River
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 Alanah remained. The disappearance of trees
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 converted into a park, a golf course and car parking facilities.
In particular
Linking Words
, the town saw the construction of the stadium to the North-East corner of the lake,
as well as
Linking Words
 the expansion of the railway line from the
river
Use synonyms
 to the North.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a marina was set up at the mouth of the
river
Use synonyms
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words river with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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