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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows women in poverty in the United States and bar chart compares poverty rates by gender.

The pie chart shows women in poverty in the United States and bar chart compares poverty rates by gender.
#women #poverty #states #bar #rates #gender
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The pie chart depicts data about
woman
Change noun form
woman's
show examples
poverty
Use synonyms
 in the US and the other compares
poverty
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 rates in both two genders.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 numerous single women faced financial difficulties.
Moreover
Linking Words
, The
poverty
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 rates in all woman age groups
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 larger than those in men. Looking at the first graph, the primary characteristic was single females. Single women without dependent
children
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acounted
Correct your spelling
accounted
 for 54%, which was the biggest in all categories.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the component of females with dependent
children
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 was almost half of
individuals
Add an article
the individuals
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 with no
children
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. (26%) The
remainings
Fix the agreement mistake
remaining
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, which are married
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 with or without
children
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 consisted of 12% and 8% respectively.
Furthremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, women in all generations had
poverty
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 problems more than males
although
Linking Words
 certain groups in both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
 had similar percentages.
For instance
Linking Words
, until
turing
Correct your spelling
turning
 to be 17 years old, both rates were almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 and reached
high
Add an article
a high
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 of around 20% in
under
Correct pronoun usage
those under
show examples
 5 and 17% in 5-17.
However
Linking Words
,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 period, between
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Vocabulary: Replace the words poverty, children with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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