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The chart below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full time work did after leaving college in 2008 Summarise the information by selecting main features and make comparison where relevant

The chart below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full time work did after leaving college in 2008 Summarise the information by selecting main features and make comparison where relevant
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The bar charts illustrate information about four different destinations of graduate and postgraduate students after leaving college in the United Kingdom in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is
noticaeble
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 that
further
Linking Words
 study was the most common destination for graduate and postgraduate students (excluding full-time
work
Use synonyms
). It is clear from the bar charts that the smallest number of students from both groups chose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
voluntary
work
Use synonyms
, 345
graduates
Use synonyms
 and 3500 postgraduates. The
further
Linking Words
 study destination calculated the highest number of
graduates
Use synonyms
 and postgraduates, 29665
people
Use synonyms
 and 2725
people
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the variety of
graduates
Use synonyms
 who decided to find a part-time job (17737
people
Use synonyms
) was almost
qual
Correct your spelling
equal
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
graduates
Use synonyms
 who were
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
 (16237
people
Use synonyms
).
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the numbers for postgraduates who had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time
work
Use synonyms
 after leaving college
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 much higher than for those who were
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
, 2535
people
Use synonyms
 and 1625
people
Use synonyms
 respectively.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the less common destination was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
voluntary
work
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, graduates, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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