IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that singers’ and film stars’ salaries are unreasonable. They buy too many goods and care too little about other people. To what extent do you think this is true? Should anything be done to change the situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is true that nowadays a huge number of superstars earn enormous remunerations. I agree to some extent with those who argue that it is not justified that celebrities possess countless luxurious items and do not worry about others.
Nevertheless
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, some actions could be taken to reduce
this
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 phenomenon.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 become famous almost overnight, forgetting about the problems that they had when they were poor. In fact, they are blinded by luxury, attention to their personalities, and public admiration. In these conditions, it is insignificant for them that there are so many
people
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 around who do not even have a piece of bread to eat.
However
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, it should be mentioned that a great number of celebrities donate billions to charity;
for instance
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, Angelina Jolie, Princess Kate, and others. They send humanitarian aid to faraway and poor countries, to orphanages, or provide all necessary sums to
people
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 for surgical operations. Apparently, some steps could be taken to increase the percentage of
such
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 stars that care for other ordinary
people
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 and benefit society as much as possible. First of all, some laws could be established that would compel celebrities to pay a fixed part of their earnings to charities or any other similar funds. Undeniably, if something is prescribed by law,
people
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 will definitely obey it, and
consequently
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, it will be taken for granted. Another thing that could be done to deal with
this
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 issue is advertising. It is a well-known fact that ads are a compulsory part of our lives and have an enormous impact on the whole public life. Obviously,
this
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 tool can be used not only to gain additional income but
also
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 to bring certain advantages to society and, particularly, to encourage more successful individuals to help less successful ones. In conclusion, the majority of TV and music stars are not concerned about others' fates,
although
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 some of them devote the majority of their earnings and time to charities. I believe that it is up to governments and advertising businesses to overcome
this
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 problem.

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coherence cohesion
Your response is well-organized and has a clear structure. However, there is room for improvement in linking your ideas and creating smoother transitions between paragraphs.
task achievement
You have addressed the task appropriately, and your response demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic. Make sure to provide specific examples to further support your points and strengthen your argument.
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