The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country betweeen 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the mian feartures, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country betweeen 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the mian feartures, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph represents the total market that has closed and the total shops that opened in a particular country between 2011 and 2018. In 2011 the number of people that opened shops in the country that year is more than 8,000people
while
Linking Words
 those that closed theirshops are more than 6000people,which means there is at least
20
Correct article usage
a 20
show examples
% gap between the opening and the closure of the shop
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the rate of the opening is higher than that of closure. ​In the year 2012,there has been a drastic reduction in the number of those that
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
opening the shop maybe by 50% from the year 2011 and
also
Linking Words
 for the closure there has been like 2% of the people who have closed down theirshops. In the year 2013, the rise in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opening of the boutique by 10% from 2012-2013Also with the termination
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
is an increase in the rate of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 that closed the emporium by
also
Linking Words
 10% which means the higher the opening the higher the closing in the year 2013. In the year 2014,both the stoppage and the opening are just different by 1%, which means there is an increase in the opening of the supermarket and a decrease in the closing of the boutique. ​In the year 2015,there was
Linking Words
also
Use synonyms
a fall in the number of populations that opened
stand
Fix the agreement mistake
stands
show examples
 but not as much as those that closed down the supermarket. In the year 2016,there is an increase in the termination of the market and there is neither a hike in the opening of the market nor the same goes for 2017also. In summary,in moment 2011,2013,2014,there has been
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in the opening of showrooms
while
Linking Words
 in year 2011,2013,2018,there is an increase inclosing of the showroom
in
Correct your spelling
In
show examples
the year 2014 there has been
also
Linking Words
 a tie in the closing and opening of the shops
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words year, also, increase with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Trend analysis
  • Fluctuation
  • Shop closures
  • Retail openings
  • Economic conditions
  • Consumer behavior
  • Local economy
  • Business dynamics
  • Commercial landscape
  • Statistical comparison
  • Significant increase/decrease
  • Year-on-year comparison
  • Consumer trends
  • Market forces
  • Business cycle
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