In modern time Yong adult are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why this change occurs? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home.

#time #yong #adult #families #friends #change #parents #force #children #home

The number of the younger generation who spend more

time

on friends than family members are growing in size, which could be derived from a great number of them leaving their hometowns for more opportunities in big cities. Despite it is essential for children to see their

parents

regularly, I could only partially agree that educators need stringent rules to force them to return

home

since it will put on unnecessary stress on youth.

To begin

with, a growing distinction between suburban areas and cities makes more young people influx into cities for better education and work opportunities. where is far from their

home

, it could reduce the

time

they spent with their own family.

For example

, in Taiwan, many well-known commercial institutions are located in Taipei, the capital city, attracting many graduates to live and work there for gaining various experiences,

moreover

, the average salary in that area is higher than in other regions.

While

they are busy at work and have their own social circle, they tend to spend less

time

visiting their

parents

Such

trends could derive various drawbacks, including a rise

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hazards for elderly people living at

home

alone.

Change preposition

From

show examples

my perspective, it is inevitable that visiting

parents

from

time

is essential to keep close relationships and be more aware of their health conditions.

However

, forcing them to go

home

certain

Add an article

a certain

show examples

time

could stimulate negative effects, including arguments based on disagreements, and

Correct article usage

the unpleasant

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unpleasant

Replace the word

unpleasantness

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of being forced to go

home

. Reversely, having regular conversations over the phone, and planning special occasions for families to get together are better ways to remain connected with descendants. To summarise, there are a few causes for a drop in the

time

young individuals being with their

parents

, one of the cogent reasons is the majority of them are living far from

home

. Even though the lack of meeting family could drive various downsides, I strongly disagree that

parents

should force their descendants to come

home

regularly.

Submitted by unapoya0916 on Sat Apr 29 2023

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

329 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In modern time Yong adult are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why this change occurs? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home.

Fully explain your ideas

Some believe that pupils should be given less homework, others say the opposite. What is your opinion?

Living in the countryside is better than living in the city. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The natural resources such as oil, forests and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problem does it cause? How can we solve these problems?

In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

Everybody should be allowed admission to university study programs regardless of their level of academic ability. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?