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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below shows the percentage change in the number of international studentsgraduating from universitiesin different Canada provinces between 2001 and 2006

the graph below shows the percentage change in the number of international studentsgraduating from universitiesin different Canada provinces between 2001 and 2006
The line graph shows the change in the percentage of the number of international
students
Use synonyms
 graduating from the universities in 8 different places in the Canadian province between the years 2001 and 2006. New Brunswick in the
year
Use synonyms
 2001,had about 6.5% of
students
Use synonyms
 that graduated from the University and in 2006 there is an increase in the total number of graduates in the University. In Nova Scotia in 2001 about 6% of graduating
students
Use synonyms
 were produced from college
while
Linking Words
 in 2006,10.5% graduated from school. Quebec had 6% of scholars graduating from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college in the
year
Use synonyms
 2001,in 2006 there was a hick in the production of
studentsstudent
Correct your spelling
students student
 by 10.5%. Alberta had less than 5% of learners in the
year
Use synonyms
 2001 and in the
year
Use synonyms
2006
Add a comma
,2006
show examples
 there was an increased rate
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
production. In the
year
Use synonyms
 2001, British Columbia produced less than 5% of
students
Use synonyms
,and an increase in 2006. Manitoba had less than 4% in the
year
Use synonyms
 2001 and there is an increase in the number by 2006. Newfoundland and Labrador, Ontario had 4% and 4.5% respectively and in 2006 the University graduated 6.5% and 5.5% respectively. In conclusion,in 2001 there had been
decrease
Add an article
a decrease
the decrease
show examples
 in the statistic of graduating international
students
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 the graph in the 8 provinces,
while
Linking Words
 there has been an uproar in the sum of graduating international scholars in 2006.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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