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Band 4.5

Many people working longer hours, leaving little time for leisure activities. What are the advantages and disadvantages..

#people #hours #time #leisure #activities
Presently, during working
hours
 it become challenging to find a break in-between
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work in order to complete the target. More than 70% of employees from every field will extend their
time
 and
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a few
hours
 with family.
Due to
this
 various pros and cons are existing which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 provided in the upcoming paragraphs. Technology is developing
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
faster
Add an article
the faster
a faster
show examples
 rate which will implement
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition across several organisations. Almost all private firm like software development, multi-storey construction field, manufacturing companies of pharmaceutical and
other automobile
Change the wording
another automobile
other automobiles
show examples
 will pressurise their employees to a reach point of
succes
Correct your spelling
success
 in order to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
commitment
Correct pronoun usage
their commitment
show examples
. Once a worker who sacrificed their free
time
 and
extending
Wrong verb form
extended
show examples
 a couple of
hours
 to complete the projects will be recognised
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 own company by means of appreciation and later it will be
carry
Change the form of the verb
carried
show examples
 forward by higher management.
Hence
, it brings self-confidence and
independent
Replace the word
independence
show examples
 in terms of respective carrier growth. Unbreakable working sometimes
overage
Fix the agreement mistake
overages
show examples
 the advantage because
incase
Correct your spelling
in case
show examples
 of
IT
Correct article usage
an IT
show examples
 company, pupils will be working more than nine
hours
 in a day. They have to look
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a computer screen
continously
Correct your spelling
continuously
 which
emit
Correct subject-verb agreement
emits
show examples
 several
radiation
Change to a plural noun
radiations
show examples
 and
this
 brings them health defects
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their eyes
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
moreover
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 sitting posture impact
backbone
Correct article usage
the backbone
show examples
 problem which will create
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 impact on their body.
Therby
Correct your spelling
Thereby
, it is mandatorily required to take some leisure period in order to overcome several circumstances. In conclusion, working longer
time
 without considering a few break
time
 has both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantages
as well as
 disadvantages. But, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it has more disadvantage over an advantage
Submitted by aishwaryarkunnummal on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • work-life balance
  • productivity
  • financial gain
  • career advancement
  • skill development
  • personal fulfillment
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • social life
  • quality of life
  • neglect
  • leisure activities
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