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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of people in Uk in 2004

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of people in Uk in 2004
#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #people #uk
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The bar chart illustrates the budget in three aspects among different age groups of
people
Use synonyms
 in the UK in 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the highest percentage of spending is on
entertainment
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 ,
food
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 and
drink
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whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest is for
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restaurant
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restaurants
show examples
 and
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hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
, the under 30 years
people
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 spend more on
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restaurant
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restaurants
show examples
 and
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hotel
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hotels
show examples
 and over 5% on
entertainment
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 with the lowest spending on
food
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 and
drink
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.
However
Linking Words
, 31- 45 age residents spend most of their
money
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 on
food
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 and
drink
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 followed by about 12%
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
restaurant
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restaurants
show examples
 and
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hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
 and a little
money
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 on
entertainment
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.
Also
Linking Words
, 45- 60
agepeople
Correct your spelling
people
age people
 spend the highest
money
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 on
entertainment
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,
restaurant
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 and
hotel
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 with just under 15%
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
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 under 61 - 75 spend the highest
money
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 on
entertainment
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 at over 20%, the same percentage as the
people
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 over 76 spend on
food
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 and
drink
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 and the lowest amount of
money
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 is spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 and
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hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
. Meanwhile,
people
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 in 61 - 75 can be seen to spend 20% of their
money
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 on
food
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 and
drink
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.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, entertainment, food, drink, restaurant, hotel, money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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