IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?”

#people #debt #don’t #can’t #behavior #action
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debts
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 have become a serious problem among some
people
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. the increasing number of
people
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 who take
loans
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 to fill their wants by buying
things
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 they don't need and won't able to pay for.
this
Linking Words
essay
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 will present the causes behind
this
Linking Words
 manner including aiming for
people
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 to have fancy
life
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 and
also
Linking Words
 mimicking
celebrities
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.
this
Linking Words
essay
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 will suggest solutions to maintain
this
Linking Words
 problem including the role of government and increase the awareness of
people
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 nowadays,
people
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 are willing to have a fancy
life
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 by buying expensive houses
in addition
Linking Words
 they are aiming to copy
celebrities
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'
life
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 by buying unaffordable clothes they don't even need them. because some
people
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 are possessed by showing off in front of their friends, they burden themselves by getting into
debt
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.
for example
Linking Words
, many
people
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 from the middle class take
loans
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 from
banks
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 with huge interest to just buy a fancy house and unwanted
things
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 which leads to spending their
life
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 either paying off their
debts
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 or ending up in jail as they are not able to pay back their
loans
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.
To sum up
Linking Words
, taking
debts
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 to just purchase
things
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 that are needed is a big issue. Would increasing awareness of
people
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 help? if they were
money
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 management tv programs, ppl would make up their mind properly before they get into
debt
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 to just mimic beloved
celebrities
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' styles . ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
furthermore
Add a comma
,furthermore
show examples
banks
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 should investigate before allowing ppl to take
loans
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 and put criteria to identify who needs
debts
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 to buy a house. for ,example some
banks
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 require their customers to fill out a paper to show what required
debts
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 and
then
Linking Words
 make a decision whether to give them
loans
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 or not. to sum ,up the more increasing ppl's awareness of their
money
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 the less
debt
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 will be given to them and
also
Linking Words
banks
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 have to make sure they land the right
people
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. in conclusion, getting into
debtdebts
Correct your spelling
debt debt
 because of purchasing wanted
things
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 that are hard to be affordable is a big issue.
this
Linking Words
essay
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 presented that having rich
life
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 and buying mimic
celebrities
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 '
life
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 leads to having
debt
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 problems.
this
Linking Words
essay
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 suggested solutions to maintain the problem, teach
people
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 how to manage their
money
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 and
also
Linking Words
banks
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 should make the right decision before land
people
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's
money
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,
Submitted by imanmuhamed.3089 on

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