The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)
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The bar graph illustrates the total
hours
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of unmarried
men
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and
women
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each week without any salary in distinct categories.
Overall
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, the average working
hours
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of married
women
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experienced
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher rate than the working time of
men
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in different areas.
To begin
Linking Words
, the indicator of married
women
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without
children
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accounted for 30,
whereas
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
number for married
men
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consisted of around 18
hours
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. The figure experienced an increasing trend for
women
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in case of 1 or more
children
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such
Linking Words
as with 1 or 2
children
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, the working
hours
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constituted just over 50,
whereas
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
number for
men
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was approximately 19
hours
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. In the case of 3 or more
children
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, the indicator for
women
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rose and reached its peak of 60
hours
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,
while
Linking Words
the working time for
men
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showed a dramatic difference with opposite gender and around 3 times less than that of
women
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which was only about 17
hours
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.
Submitted by sahibzamanshirinov on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, men, women, children with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • demographics
  • household responsibilities
  • societal expectations
  • norms
  • childcare
  • housework
  • gardening
  • contributions
  • family structure
  • cultural implications
  • social implications
  • work-life balance
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