IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

With the development of social media, more and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the internet in order to meet and chat with friends which can lead to potentially dangerous situations. What solutions can you suggest to deal with this problem?

#development #media #youngsters #access #internet #chat #friends #situations
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the amount of kids
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the using
internet
Use synonyms
 without
unlimitted
Correct your spelling
unlimited
 has increased rapidly. The development of
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 is too many advantages but there are negative sides
such
Linking Words
 as that they want to make friends with never seen someone and date their social friends. It leads to some difficult problems sometimes. To prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it, parents should improve
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 attentiveness
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 adults and teachers need to give information about
ciber
Correct your spelling
cyber
 crime. I will explain my reason in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the better way is
make
Change the verb form
to make
making
show examples
 to control kid's
internet
Use synonyms
 life. For
exampe
Correct your spelling
example
, my mom and dad supervised
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my
youngersister
Correct your spelling
younger sister
. They had 2 idea
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
first
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 were limited
her
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
on the
internet
Use synonyms
 and second
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
if
your
Change the pronoun
you
show examples
 don't know someone will
sent
Change the verb form
send
be sent
show examples
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 message
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 you, you should say us. It was a huge advantage that we
did't
Correct your spelling
didn't
 happen
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 hard situations.
Morefore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, all families should be
carefully
Replace the word
careful
show examples
 about
this
Linking Words
 issue.  Following that there are all things in social life that
children
Use synonyms
 don't separate both fairness and wickedness.
Therefore
Linking Words
, all
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
more old
Replace the words
elder
show examples
 than
children
Use synonyms
 and especially teachers should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
advise about
ciber
Correct your spelling
cyber
 crime.
For instance
Linking Words
, my teacher
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 high school told
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
me
show examples
 in
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
 lesson that you should not meet
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a man who making friends on
facebook
Correct your spelling
Facebook
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because you are a
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 girl. I never forget her
advise
Replace the word
advice
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 maybe protected
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
me from dangerous things. The more
teenegars
Correct your spelling
teenagers
would have interesting both negative and positive but their guardian to prevent their
children
Use synonyms
 from going not good things. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media
Add a missing verb
has enumerous
show examples
enumerous
Correct your spelling
numerous
 advantages but it has some downsides. So their guardian should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
prevent
from
Correct pronoun usage
them from
show examples
 going some
ciber
Correct your spelling
cyber
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
.
Submitted by ankhaa67 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: